So tonight I’m going through my computer documents looking around and I see something titled “blog update” naturally I click it and read it’s insane contents…Not sure why I never posted this but please enjoy. And know that this problem has been resolved for the most part.
6/3/2010
It’s official. I think we’ve hit it. The terrible teens. The angry years. Rebel without a cause. The end of life as we know it.
Okay. Maybe I’m exaggerating a bit; although that certainly is not a trait of mine, I suppose it could happen once in a while.
Regardless my son, my pride and joy, the apple of my eye….well he’s starting to get a lil ‘tude. Kinda being a real asshole you could say. And I really don’t appreciate it. You take a mother/son relationship for granted until you yourself are a mother. You try to raise them right and they just do whatever they want anyways.
In his defense (I’m his mommy, it’s only natural I come forth with excuses) the therapist thinks he is probably acting out because I haven’t been around lately. And it’s true. I’ve been somewhat a bad mom. I admit I’ve gotten caught up in summer vacations and fun. But you know I deserve some fun too! That doesn’t give him to right to act like a motherless fool. I’m trying to be understanding but it’s just……frustrating.
I know what I have to do though. I need to become a better influence and a bigger part of his everyday life; this way I can watch and groom his bad habits. No more eating alone, spending all night on the internet, lounging around the house, avoiding contact with others, and lacking ambition. That goes for him too.
A mom’s got to do what a mom’s got to do. If I don’t step in now next thing I know he’ll be wearing guy-liner and listening to that Marilyn Manson chick.
cat people > dog people
You know it must fucking rock to be a cat. I mean seriously. I don’t know how many of you are cat people…but
A) you should be
B) why are you reading my mostly cat blog
& C) you should be
Regardless anyone who’s been in the same room as a cat knows they are in the presence of royalty (or at least something similar).
Why people like cats
-They fucking rock
-They are fuzzy & soft
-They are adorable
-They can jump 5 times the length of their tail (thank you Snapple Cap)
-They have good people reading skills
-They are ridiculously good looking
-They can climb (Ya, I don’t see ole’ spot dragging his ass up a tree)
-They can tear a predators ass up (or a lizard/moth)
-They like to cuddle
-They are (mostly) calm
-They don’t pant, and aren’t noisy
-They are clean
-They are low maintenance
-They are self sufficient for short periods of time
-They are related to lions (fucking awwwweesome)
—
I’ll stop there because lord knows this list could go on for days. That being said, it’s fairly obvious why being a domestic cat is probably the second coolest animal you could be (Large carnivorous cats take the cake obviously…teeth, claws, power of serious death; ya). But in case you still needed some convincing..
Why being a cat fucking owns
-All the reasons people love cats
-Ability to sleep almost an entire day without moving
-Always a sunny spot to lay in
-People want to love on you all the time
-Being overweight is actually appreciated
-Agility
-9 lives (useful as shit)
-Don’t need blankets
-Can sleep through anything ;)
-Not a dog
Overall I think it’s pretty obvious that cats are way better and useful than dogs. And people who think otherwise should die…or…..something.
SoFlo
There comes a point in the intensively dull 5hour drive to South Florida where I forget that my back hurts and my legs are crooked, i even let it slip from my mind that my bum is increasingly numb-er with each passing mile. It’s when you get to that stretch of highway where they start to care how it looks to you, the travelin man. Where the plants along the roadway get better care than the people at the health department. It really sets in when my eye graces that stone. Those silly highway walls painted in pastels with pictures of florida’s finest animals stamped in. Anyone whos ever driven through soflo knows exactly what im talking about. I don’t know what it is about those walls that always makes me smile. And im forced to glare out the window as if im looking out the window of a plane.
Its like im home almost, ya know? Granted i understand i only graced the classy area known as hollywood until i was 6. But i came down for family, and i still travel down during football season and pass through on my many trips for some good keys fishing. So i guess i connect he area with being happy, as i only really come through for the happy things. So silly concrete animals make me smile. and of course my favorite… the painted mural of a cleverly covered naked man isnt bad for a laugh either.
what I’ve learned
as I’m “growing up” I’m learning more and more shit that I’d like to pretend I didn’t know- not all of it sucks, just the mere fact that life was so much easier when you didn’t know squat. and when you didn’t have to pretend you did.
- i’ve learn that “life is short” now isn’t that just annoying as fuck? you know, you’re parents always said it…and blah blah. but then they are right (i hate that, but we will bounce back to that later on) i mean after all it IS the longest thing you’ll ever do..well knowingly, i suppose rotting away could probably take a while; but i’m pretty sure you’re not around for that. but all in all it’s pretty short. life that is. and people pop up and people pop down and you really have no control over it at all. ain’t that just a plum shame?
- i’ve learned that all those terrible things guys say about girls…you know, being pathetic and clingy and insane. ya that stuff. the stuff i spent my whole life arguing over…ya that’s true. all you gotta do is tell a lass ya love her and shes jello in your little plastic cup.
- i’ve learned that these bit grand plans we had don’t always pan out, and no matter what anyone says, you can’t do them later in life. i mean sure you can go to college at 67 but you can’t be 20 years old traveling the country with your dancing cat show (what?). sorry ‘bout your luck. we really only get one shot to not fuck this up. so choose wisely.
- i’ve learned that if it were legal to kill stupid people the population would go down severely.
- i’ve learned that no matter what you can’t tell a 16 year old girl ANYTHING they don’t want to know.
- i’ve learned that no one will EVER love you until -you- love you.
and no one will ever get to know you, or even care to- until you know you.
- i’ve learned to never let myself be anyone’s #2.
- i’ve learned i deserve the best. and i won’t take a damn thing below it.
- i’ve learned that despite what you think you’re family is all you have. and that doesn’t mean they all have to be blood. that just means your family, however you describe them.
- i’ve learned people HATE the truth, and they will do gosh darn near anything to avoid it. but honey child, you know it’s down there lurking like a herpes flair up- so own it…before it owns you.
- i’ve known that cat people are the best kind of people.
- i’ve learned no-one has ever been declared a winner for coming in 2nd…which seems pretty obvious, because you are, infact, not the winner. which pretty much makes you the loser. although i’ve never won a damn thing in my life, but it just sounds like something you’d say in a blog list like this one.
- i’ve learned you’re parents really do know a bunch of shit. which is sooooo annoying. but then again i feel like i know a bunch of shit, so it’s definitely an age thing. but ya, you should try listening to them every so often. unless of course they are in jail or addicted to meth. then i would pretty much do the exact opposite of what they say.
- i’ve learned a little vanity isn’t a bad thing. and the fellas sure do seem to enjoy it ;)
- i’ve learned that the people trying to shove their beliefs and thoughts down your throat are actually the people who know the littlest about what they are talking about.
- i’ve learned that it’s okay to be happy when the people around you aren’t.
i’ve learned i fucking rock. try to tell me otherwise.
a comparison
There is something so innocently beautiful about seeing a cat (especially one as adorable as Atticus) sleeping all comfy and cozy with his big fluffy belly in the air. I immediately am filled with warm feelings and must simultaneously give him loving belly kisses while finding my camera. All his beautiful-ness out in the open; no shame at all. I have dozens of these belly up snapshots, and I never get tired of taking them; nor do I get tired of running over and smushing my face into that soft fuzzness that would be a bellybutton.
This however brings me to my point…seeing a person in a similar position is not innocently beautiful at all. There is no warm feelings, except my stomach churning and the possible warmth of vomiting on my feet. Why is that? Besides the obvious that animals (specifically felines) are really the most adorable things on the planet. And they are allowed to do pretty much whatever they please….example?..Licking their own googly-bits. People, we can’t do that shit. Nor do we(I) want to (you sick fucks).
So next time you see fluffy belly, take a minute to bask in it’s glory; and a little wubbin’s wouldn’t suck either.
Cat Person
I don’t know exactly when I became a “cat person”. A trait I was born with perhaps? Or possibly one acquired in growth? Either way I have been; as long as I can remember…a Cat Person. So what does that say about me? Stereotypically I should be a weird, introverted hermit; which we all know isn’t the case…entirely. But lets rewind just a little bit- I grew up with cats; in fact my parents had a cat before they had children, needless to say I was born into a cat friendly environment. While other kids at 12 were gushing over J-14 and Teen Bop magazines, I had a subscription to Cat Fancy (I admitted I had a serious problem in my first post, so I don’t want to hear it). My walls weren’t adorn simply with pictures of N*SYNC and J.T.T. I had full spread, wide open pictures of cats. That’s some serious shit right there. Growing up I also collected cat figurines; which I’m sad to say I no longer have. Not only did I want to be a Veterinarian, I wanted to be a CAT VET…are we seeing a trend? So maybe I was a bit weirder and introverted than I’d like to remember. Of course I’ve grown up; I’m a functioning member of society with a real adult relationship. I no longer get Kitty Porn in the mail or have an eerie cat collection, and gone are the days I long to own a feline friendly vet clinic. But my voice still gets all squeaky and excited when I see a cat walking around the neighborhood, and my heart melts a little more every time one of my babies brush against my leg. Because I AM a Cat Person. So what? I don’t even like you anyways.
hmm
I often wonder what it must be like for someone as handsome and lovable as Atticus. It must be very tough.
bringing out my violent side
I consider myself pretty easy going and incredibly tolerant (okay, thats a lie) but still; that’s besides the point. The point here today is discussing three things that make me what to stab my eyes out and shove them down my own throat.
#1
Car stickers printed in size 10 font and placed on the back of your car. Are you some kinda of moron? Seriously. I wish death upon you. Why the fuck would you think someone can fucking read that? I don’t even need to go into the fact that no-one gives a flying fuck what uber sarcastic or politically witty and retarded thing that you somehow found a stupid ass sticker to say for you. If I have to be IN your car to read the sticker DO NOT PUT IT ON YOUR CAR. And then you idiotic numbskulls get annoyed when I have to creep closer at the light so I can read exactly what piece of bullshit you thought was important enough to put on your car. I seriously and truly hate your existence.
#2
Going to roll with the car theme here for a moment… So you feel the need to truly express yourself through the art of car stickers. Ok, I’ll give you the fact that you must be super cool and oh so witty. But seriously, is it necessary to cover your entire back windshield? Apparently you don’t like the usefulness of looking at the vehicles behind you. You must just be THAT good of a driver. Yeah…Uh huh. And by the way; where the fuck did you find all these amazing stickers to perfectly reflect on the outside just how you feel on the inside? Not only have you ruined the appearance of a perfectly good car, but you’ve also let everyone else on the road know not only are you trailer trash but you are a fucking retard. (See actual picture below,I had the pleasure of driving near this last week.)
And #3
You emo, sad, pathetic and oh so intellectual facebook status-ers. Honestly. Do you think ANYONE in the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD cares? They don’t. And they don’t care that “my outward reflection is masking that within” or “why is the world so intent on hurting eachother”. And yes we’ve all noticed that you don’t dare crack the tinest smile; ah yes it’s because your so miserable and alone and nobody understands your intelligent updates stolen from emo songs galore. You are not so smart, you are not so alone. And still…nobody cares.
Atticus has a crush, and it’s certainly not one his mother can approve of. It’s Audrina Patridge, you know..the girl with the ceiling eyes, obnoxiously large fake tits, and “acts” on one of those shows…the hills, the oc, 90210, jerry springer…whichever one; idk. Anyways, the point is I keep telling my charming boy that she’s just not good for him but he won’t listen (you know how it is, he’s at that age where he knows everything and I’m just an innocent bystander). It’s just so frustrating. I don’t want to see my baby end up with some money hungry whore who is famous for being a dumb ass. I’ve even gone as far as banning him from watching her show, or any entertainment gossip sites and shows period. But it’s not working. And I knew the second that issue of Maxim hit my mailbox it was going to be trouble. Her scandalously dressed in minimal “clothing” gracing the cover while staring at the popcorn crusted ceiling of the studio. Psh. Anyways as I was saying I tried to smuggle the magazine in the house; because I…uh…like to er…read the articles. But my sneaky little son found it..and this is what I come home to! My own flesh and blood sprawled across Audrina like a…well like a cat in heat! I’m appalled. & I think it’s time to bring out the big guns- that being said I need to run to the store and pick up Miley’s new CD…yeah, thats right we ARE gonna Party in the USA.
Instead of telling you a story with my big girl words today, I’m going to use my amazing artistic skills to show you how stupid I really am. Enjoy, and until next time.
